"…and not for five minutes will I be distracted from the wonder…"


Uncategorized — d-ashes on September 17, 2004 at 3:14 pm


Unfortunately, this is not a good weekend to rely on Jackson’s live musical offerings.
So what the Sam Hill am I supposed to do now?! Easy now Gridley, I can help you
out. I’ve devised some alternate activities that will gleefully whisk your hard-earned
free time away.

  • Go to Swenson’s and order a shake. Once you’ve poured the content
    on your head, belligerently complain about the thickness.
  • Head to the Municipal
    Art Gallery. At every instance, nudge the person next to you and solemnly
    claim, "Lack
    of nudity is so rive gauche, n’est pas
  • Buy up all of OffiSource’s legal pads in an effort to construct
    a paper mache Time-For-Timer hankering for a hunk of cheese.
  • Stand in the
    Old Capitol rotunda with pants placed at ankles. Demand to see Bobby
    Miles while waving a chicken leg. Claim you have Edwin Newman on the line.
  • Stand
    atop the Fondren building and hurl Rooster’s onion rings at Rec Room
    patrons. If they spot you, blame the hurricane.
  • Be waiting at Morrison Brothers when
    they open, immediately grab a guitar, plug it in, and tune it for about
    four hours.
  • If you have a beard, go to the Ridgewood / Lakeland Exxon and buy a
    fan belt and some condoms. Come in five minutes later with a goatee an
    purchase wiper blades and some condoms. After another five minutes, waltz
    in with a moustache and buy 4 quarts of 10w-30 and some condoms. Return five
    minutes later with a shaved head and buy a Gatorade, a pack of reds, and
    a Zagnut.
  • Write
    a letter to Unclaimed Freight. Insist they don’t have the worst location
    in Jackson. Sign it in blood.
  • Attend the Princess Diaries 2 at Tinseltown. At
    every scene change yell, "Son
    of a bitch! How’d they do that?!"
  • While dining at the Mayflower, after every bite claim, "This
    *does* smell like fish, yet tastes like chicken."
  • Walk into WLBT dressed as Ace Frehley above the waist and Spiderman below
    the waist. Ask when the Romper Room taping starts. Subsequently respond with "boo-yah" and "snap."


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