"…and not for five minutes will I be distracted from the wonder…"

Strathnavern: BAH BAH BLACK SHEEP, HAVE YOU ANY CHEETOS?

Uncategorized — d-ashes on March 16, 2005 at 5:43 pm

Today is a happy day. I am now Uncle Strathnavern Dunkheld-Fowles IV,
Esq. (Ret.). My sister gave birth to Brendan Patrick Dunkheld-Fowles
Halstead earlier this afternoon. He weighs 9 lbs. 8 oz. That would make him
an extremely large trout, a very small marlin, a $140 beef tenderloin, or
the world’s biggest crouton.
And since I have mastered unsolicited advice [*cough*], I’ve decided to
help the kid with some pointers that will make his early life a lot easier.

  • "Heads I win, tails you lose" actually works.
  • Punching through a pane of glass might emphasize your point, but it will
    leave a permanent scar.
  • If your buddy suggests diving fully-dressed-up into the pool outside of his
    bar mitzvah reception, he’s really not going to jump in with you at the
    count of three.
  • Don’t buy any Van Halen records made after Reagan’s 1st administration
  • Never tell your barber to leave it long in the back.
  • Gin can be your friend. It can also be a cruel temptress.
  • If you can pen something as masterful as "The Cockroach That ate Cincinnati"
    as a first grader, you’ll be alright.
  • As enticing as goalposts are, don’t try to swing from them
  • Writing "Vasco DaGamma is yo mama" in a state text book will lead to a
    lengthy, yet hilarious, grade-wide inquiry.
  • When a dare involves liquor, a solo cup, and no ice, don’t accept the
    challenge.
  • A stapler will effectively penetrate a thumb.
  • Chemistry teachers never like the response "R2D2" for a chemical formula.


WEDNESDAY

Willie Heath Neal @ The Red Room for FREE 10:30

The swearing and old-school country should mix well with Ladies’ Night

THURSDAY

The Vamps @ The Red Room for FREE 7:30

Prove that you can groove

FRIDAY

Album Leaf @ Martin’s

Classically-trained mellow minimalism from San Diego

Young Agent Jones @ Dons’

Tight power pop from Oktibbeha County

SUNDAY

Of Montreal
@ Martin’s

Aforementioned

MONDAY

The Winter Pagent
@ Martin’s

Impressive dramatic drone from Brooklyn

Bryan Ledford @ "George Street"

Rolling off the roots of roots

TUESDAY

Pub Quiz

Special guest co-host, Canada

Uncle Strathnavern Dunkheld-Fowles IV, Esq. (Ret.)

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